I was alone when our vet showed me the x-rays. I didn’t hear it all at first, so I had to ask her if she would tell me again once I was able to calm down. The one thing I understood most was just how much pain she was in. I honestly thought I was going to have to think about putting her down right there. I thought about how I should call my husband, but it would have done no good because he had my kids. And, he would have been a bigger mess than I was.
I just couldn’t stand the thought of her pain. We had been weaning her off the pain medicine for the torn ACL, so of course she felt like shit. Of course I thought she had a setback. We were managing mini explosions in her bone, which was being replaced by a cancerous tumor that was potentially spreading cancer cells to her lungs and other appendages as I blew my nose for the twentieth time. Oh, and, her bone was so brittle, that it was way more likely to break at the slightest fall. This felt like the end in a matter of minutes.
My mom came to be with me, and we made a list of questions through the haze in my head.
We sat through another acupuncture treatment and left with some new medicines and prescriptions. I had a list of ingredients to buy for a cancer tonic, and left the vet’s office knowing that another family was there at that very same moment putting their beloved pet to sleep. I couldn’t help but feel like it was a sign.
I drove home to tell my husband. My six-year-old figured it all out. We cried on the kitchen floor together.
We picked up groceries for Dolly’s cancer tonic and picked up gobs of pain meds. I can’t help but wonder why is was so easy to get all those prescriptions. And, for a minute, none of it felt real.
Dolly had a biopsy done to be sure it was osteosarcoma. I asked for a Lyme disease test with a very little glimmer of hope. We still didn’t know what route we would choose. Pain management or amputation? Do we add chemo into the mix? Or, do we just let her go?
Throughout our up’s and down’s, Dolly stayed pretty consistent. She ate well – really well since her diet included beef liver, wild caught fish, and ground turkey. She followed us ALL OVER THE HOUSE. And, she really didn’t seem like she was ready to give up.
Dr. Baker called us with news about a study taking place at the University of Illinois. I felt like she really wanted us to explore it as an option. So, I let her get the ball rolling.
Listen to Dolly, she knows, she understands to a certain degree. That face is just full of pure love for you 🙂
Keep us up dated, a university trial would be a great opportunity
xx